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What's so great about bondage and why do we do it?
Of course there's no single simple answer. Everyone has their own reasons and the one sure thing is that whatever yours are, there are lots of other people who share them. Bondage isn't yet a mainstream activity but it's far more open, popular, and accepted now than it ever has been. You are not alone!
It feels good.
It leads to great sex.
It's very relaxing.
It looks good.
It lets you explore your personality and sexuality.
It brings you and your partner closer together.
It's a bit of a thrill.
It's a way of exploring and developing your relationship.
Some people discover bondage as adults and realise it's for them. But many bondage people say they've had the interest all their lives, or as far back as they can remember.
Is bondage BDSM?
Yes and no.
For some people it's a key part of dominant/submissive or master/slave relationships. Some BDSM people will just use simple leather cuffs to secure someone to a frame for "punishment".
But others get deeply involved in bondage without getting involved in all of that, and without feeling a need for fetish costumes, spanking, flogging, and so on. Each to his and her own!
What do you need to get into it?
Depends on what kind of bondage appeals to you. There's steel (handcuffs, chains, etc.), leather (leather wrist or ankle cuffs, harnesses, hoods), straitjackets, bodybags, and all manner of things you can use to restrain someone. But no doubt about it, the main thing is rope.
When you choose rope for bondage, the first thing to think about is stiffness. You don't want it. Where rope is concerned, limpness is much better.
Wrap a bit of rope loosely around your arm or hand. If it lies where you put it and seems to want to coil around you, it's passed the first test. If it's stiff and springy and has a mind of its own, then forget it.
If the rope is well-behaved and feels good on bare skin, try a few simple knots. If the rope forms small compact knots that hold well, it'll do. Finally test for stretch by pulling a couple of feet apart between your hands. If you feel noticeable stretch the rope is not ideal for bondage use.
One part of bondage involves tying people to things - beds, chairs, and specially made "bondage furniture". To start with you'll probably want to use things you already have at home. Just remember that human bodies are heavy and can generate big forces. Make sure that anything you use is amply strong enough, and then some more.
What kind of rope is best?
The short answer is "whatever works best for you". But there is a lot of tradition here, and different types of rope are associated with particular types of rope bondage.
"Western bondage" (think detective magazine cover pictures, damsels-in-distress, kidnap fantasies) often uses white cotton rope.
Decorative and body-art bondage - think The Two Knotty Boys, if you know their work - often uses synthetic ropes made from nylon or MFP (multi-filament polypropylene). The right choice of rope makes some of the intricate knotwork a lot easier to do!
Japanese-style bondage (also known as shibari or kinbaku) uses 3-strand twisted rope made from natural fibres such as jute and hemp. This style relies on friction more than on knots, and using the right kind of rope makes a big difference.
Cotton rope is sometimes suggested for Japanese bondage but it should not be used for suspension because it is too stretchy and not strong enough.
If you expose your rope to body fluids you will need to wash it in a way that also effectively sterilises it. There's a good argument for using synthetic rope for crotch ropes, because it is easier to clean it thoroughly. Otherwise it makes good sense to keep separate ropes for the purpose, and perhaps different ropes for different people.
How long should the ropes be?
This is easier to answer for Japanese bondage. The standard rope is 7 to 8 metres (25 feet, give or take a bit). That may seem quite long, but it is always used doubled so you're actually working with just half that length. Six ropes will be enough for just about any tie, although you may want to add a few more as you gain experience.
For Western and decorative styles there are no standard lengths, it's a matter of whatever works for you. But a couple of 24 foot ropes, four 12 foot and two 6 foot ropes would be a good start.
How thick should the ropes be?
6mm (a quarter of an inch) diameter is the best all-round size. You can go a bit bigger but once you get above 8mm knots get very bulky.
What knots do I need to know?
Not as many as you might think! The Japanese style really only needs one knot, and Western bondage doesn't need many more. Of course some people take knots very seriously and know lots of different ones for every purpose, but you don't have to go down that road. Better to know a few knots inside-out than lots of them not very well.
Generally, good rope-handling skills and being able to tie at even tension without leaving slack bits is more important than tying fancy knots, and that's mainly a matter of practice.
What's the difference between Japanese and Western bondage?
Western bondage tends to be based on the idea that the person tied up is an unwilling captive. Of course he/she isn't really unwilling, the whole thing is completely consensual, but the "victim" is role-playing.
Typical scenarios include kidnap fantasy, disturbing a burglar (conveniently provided with lots of rope), one person taking revenge on another for some reason. These don't have to be explicit, usually they're just hovering somewhere in the background. So resisting being tied may be part of the game, as is struggling to get free.
Japanese bondage developed from military and police capture and restraint methods ("hojojutsu") but the modern "erotic art" of shibari has moved a long way away from that. It's much more about two people using rope as a medium of communication between them and cooperating to make something beautiful. From a technical point of view there are many standard patterns to learn, and it's much less free-form than Western ropework.
Health and Safety
Bondage is a risky activity, especially if you don't know how to assess the risks and minimise them.
Be very careful with anything that restricts breathing. If you do anything like that monitor the situation very closely and be ready for instant release if needed.
Some positions can lead to Positional Asphyxia, where the breathing muscles stop working. "Immobile" positions are particularly dangerous, especially when mixed with alcohol or drugs. So keep alcohol and drugs away from bondage sessions! (good advice in lots of other ways too)
Restricted circulation to the limbs is a problem and you should test for temperature and observe colour regularly. But serious and long-term damage is more likely to come from nerve compression. It's a good idea to learn the paths of the main nerves and the symptoms of nerve compression. This can involve distinguishing between "good pain" and "bad pain" which requires immediate attention.
Always have some means of releasing rope in an emergency. EMT shears are good, as are rescue hooks. Both are designed to cut without breaking the skin underneath. Do not use tools such as knives and pointed scissors which can easily cause more problems than they solve.
Suspension
At some point, especially if you like the Japanese style, you will probably want to explore suspension bondage. Approach this very cautiously, one step at a time, and if at all possible get tuition from someone who's been doing it for years. Remember that the best suspension ropework in the world is useless if your suspension point isn't completely safe and secure, so make sure it is!
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